White Weddings

…because when in doubt, stand in a really tight circle and move hips slightly while always looking slyly over your shoulder, as if to say, “I know it looks like I’m a bad dancer, but I’m just joke dancing, K?”

…because your maid of honor got you this instead of a toaster. (Or a toast.)

…because my boobs look awesome in this bridesmaid’s dress when I jump up and down!

…because Aunt Louise totally loves the Vengaboys lol!

…because, yes, you should get some credit for being the first on the dancefloor. But you should still try.

…because Nana and Papa lived to see their 50th anniversary. And this.

…because ONE box step is never enough.

…because a wedding singer howling “Sweet Caroline” wasn’t white enough.

…because Medicare doesn’t count the breakdancing injury as a pre-existing condition.

…because nothing says “holy matrimony” like slapping your new wife’s ass in front of 200 of your closest friends and family.